Reflections

After many requests I'm finally going to blog.  I have thought about blogging on many occasions but just decided no before.   Why the change of heart?  I've realized there are so many little things that I'm going to forget and want to start writing down.  Most of them are little moments of a mother's heart.  But there will be plenty I'm sure that has nothing to do with being a mother or Hannah, just thoughts.  So here's to a journey of motherhood, military life, growing, and my random thoughts.

Since the day I found out I was pregnant, motherhood began.  No I hadn't held my child in my arms yet.  I didn't know she was a girl, or had a name picked out.  But I was her life source, her only way of survival.  Everything I ate or did, would potentially effect her development.  On Saturday, August 26, 2008 the pregnancy fairy told me I was blessed with an angel.  What I didn't know at the time was the beauty of watching a life grow.  We immediately nicknamed her Bean.  That's how big she was and looked like.  Just a little bean in me.  At a certain point we realized we no longer could call her bean because she wasn't anymore.  To think a little bean can grow into a little baby with arms and legs.  We would watch as those legs kicked in my belly and her bottom moved around.  Being as small as I am, I could  see the outlines of her legs as they'd raise up a couple inches and distort my round belly.  We already knew she would be an awnry one with a mind of her own.  And that's just how she entered the world.  Screaming with a clear apgar of 10/10 giving us her two cents.

We then got to watch that little baby learn to hold her head up.  Use her arms.  Legs. Gain the strength to sit up right. Lift her tummy off the floor.  And crawl across the floor to eventually learn to walk.  But the amazement doesn't stop there.  Everyday I get to watch the mind grow.  Awareness, memory, identification, noises, vocabulary.  The little things (well maybe little to the rest of the world, but quite the big deal for a little tike) I get to witness everyday just makes me feel so blessed.  Today (I guess yesterday, since it's now past 12am) I placed Hannah on the changing table after her bath.  I was getting ready to put her diaper on, and she reached over her head for her sandal.  She then tried to put the sandal on her foot.  To me it was the cutest thing because she not only knows the sandals are for her feet, but she wants to put them on herself like a big girl.  Since she started eating solids at 6 months, I've always given Hannah her own spoon to play with.  Over time the spoon was properly held.  Then she pretended to dip the spoon and put food in her mouth.  Four days ago food finally made its way on the spoon, and without falling off into the mouth.  Another moment in my day that made me smile, and instantly grab the video camera.  The next night we went to Pizza to celebrate a friends birthday.  We placed Hannah in her high chair and I knew she was hungry.  But every attempt I made to feed her she rejected.  Because we were sitting at a tall table she was lower than the table.  So she started reaching for me, and I placed her on my lap.  She instantly reached over and pulled her bowl and spoon to her and began shoveling food in.  Turns out she was hungry, she just wanted to feed herself.

When you are pregnant everyone tells you about how wonderful having a child is, but they don't tell you about the little moments of sorrow.  As she's becoming a toddler and "big girl", as she thinks, I'm so proud and over joyed.  But there's always that moment of pause where I realize changes bring an end.  I didn't realize till today how I miss feeding her.  I'm sure this is only the beginning of her independence that's to come over the next 17 years and a lifetime.  I just pray I never forget to enjoy the preciousness of a beautiful gift from God.

Now that I've summarized my heart on my first year of motherhood, today I had a little rite of passage as a parent.  I signed Hannah up for her first "extra curricular" activity. Swimming lessons.  I've been planning before ever becoming pregnant to place my children in swim classes at the youngest age possible.  Last summer Hannah obviously was too young.  And it's not really an extra curricular activity as it is for water safety, and she won't exactly be putting it on her college application someday.  However that being said, I had a moment while writing the check for her lessons.  It really felt like a rite of passage.  I wanted to xerox the check and someday be like this was the first check I wrote for lessons.  I remember watching my mom every Tuesday writing checks to my coach for my baton lessons.  And so it kind of tugged at my heart to think I'm now the Mommy.  A new generation has grown, and another begun.  Funny thing is I probably wouldn't have stopped to think about it if I'd been paying with card.  Kind of funny how technology and advancements change our thought process.  The check instantly transported me back in time watching myself sitting on the gym floor as I put my batons away.  My coach going over some reminders and my mom in the chair next to her getting her checkbook out of her purse.